Reasons To Be Cheerful – Parts One to Twenty (The Premier League Manager-go-round)

noose1. Sir Alex Ferguson (winner of countless titles and cups) retired to be replaced by the greatly respected David Moyes (whose cups and medals also can’t be counted). The favourite to replace David Moyes at Everton is  currently Roberto Martinez whom Toffees fans think is under-qualified as he only won a single FA Cup (one more cup than D. Moyes)

2. Roberto Mancini sacked for only winning the FA Cup and The Premier League in the last three years.

3. Rafa Benitez no longer interim or manager because he only won the Europa League. Oh, and because the fans hated him.

4. Arsene Wenger the highest placed manager in the Premier League to hold onto his job. What’s wrong with Arsenal – no ambition?

5. Andre Villas Boas still at Tottenham. Does he remind you of the school sneak?

6. David Moyes leaves Everton because he gets offered a better job. Apparently keeping Everton in the Premier League over the past ten years (without winning anything) was a feat deserving of promotion to the top job in English football.

7. Brendan Rodgers lives to fight another day at Liverpool (Thank God). If this transfer window is as good as the last he might even become the longest serving manager since Rafa (by surviving until January next).

8. Steve Clarke remains West Brom manager by overachieving in his first season and thereby shooting himself in the foot. Unfotunately for him, I feel, WBA (as they used to be known) will probably find their real level and fight for seventeenth place in the league which means poor Steve is unlikely to make it through the next season. I may just have a wee bet on this down the bookies.

9. Can Michael Laudrup’s outstanding hairstyle get him through another gruelling season in Wales? I fear he may get going once the going gets tough.

10. Big Sam (Allerdyce) toughs it out at West Ham for another season. Please, Sam, persuade Andy Carroll to take the West Ham shilling. It’ll be good for you both, and give Brendan Rodgers some cash to spend on players he fancies.

11. Chris Hughton keeps Norwich up and becomes everybody’s (well, mine actually) favourite nice guy manager. Keep smiling Chris and take the first job offer you get. I’d love to see him fall through the ‘Trap’ door into Ireland management.

12. Martin Jol keps Fulham boring. Best you can hope for Fulham fans.

13. Unlucky for some – Tony Pulis, actually, who got fired for being as boring as Jol but for too long. Without him Stoke would have been back where they belong (Blue Square Premier, anyone?) years ago. Now they’ve got Mark Hughes who is not to blame for any bad results in his past, apparently.

14. I had to google Mauricio Pochettino in order to spell his name right. Took over from the unlucky Nigel Adkins (unlucky to look more like a school teacher than a footballer – I can’t think of what else he did wrong). Can he learn English AND keep Southampton in the Premier League? It was a feat beyond Harry Redknapp!

15. Paul Lambert has another chance to change Aston Villa from the most boring side in the league. Boring, not necessarily in the way they play but in the ‘who gives a crap’ sense.

16. Alan Pardew hangs on to become my favourite for manager with longest remaining time on contract to be fired next season.

17. Paolo (that wasn’t a Fascist salute) Di Canio survives by the skin of his teeth. I’m betting he won’t have enough reasons to ruin suits next year to keep his job.

18, 19 & 20. New boys will be installed as favourites  – managers to be fired and clubs to be relegated. Who will be next season’s surprse packages? Post your answers below please. I promise to sort through the offers of breast implants and mail order brides to reply to every genuine (I was going to put suggestion but thought it was too suggestive) comment.

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About Bob Neilson

Bob Neilson lives in Dublin with his wife, two daughters, son, two dogs, one cat and a growing feeling of claustrophobia. In partnership with his wife he runs a successful retail business in Dublin city. His short fiction has appeared extensively in professional and small press markets and he has had two plays performed on RTE and one on Anna Livia FM. He also presented a radio show on Anna Livia for a year. He has had two short story collections published, Without Honour (1997, Aeon Press) and That’s Entertainment (2007, Elastic Press) as well as several comics and a graphic novel. His non-fiction book on the properties of crystals is a best-seller in the UK and Ireland.
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